Written By: Phil Ford
Directed By: Ashley Way
Air Date: 5th March, 2008
Summary: Gwen's finally getting married, though the laws of television won't let it pass without some degree of hijinks.
There's something about weddings that always makes good comedic fodder. I'm not sure why. I mean, apart from that wedding I attended where the bride was given away by a Hansen-esque muppet, and there was a bouncy castle at the reception, the weddings I've attended having generally been a boring endurance of ceremony followed by a lengthy opportunity to get smashed out of your skull because you're a loser without a boyfriend and no one's even trying to hit on you even though that's apparently what people do at weddings.
In spite of that, however, if I were to sit here and list all the TV programmes and films that have used weddings as the kicking off point for abject lunacy, I'd be here all night. Torchwood has decided not to buck the trends, and we get to experience an episode that doesn't shy away from shamelessly cheesy shots of zooming out of screaming women's mouths, and John Barrowman looking like he's been on a three-night bender.
That's bender as in drinking spree, you perverts.
Points for stupidity go to Gwen who, when confronted with the quite reasonable suggestion that the wedding get delayed by two days by claiming she's ill, says 'no we have to do this now' because, apparently, she thinks she'll have no problem explaining how she's inexplicably heavily pregnant when she wasn't the night before. The statement that she'll tell people that she's 'lost' the baby just made me go “WTF??” because the sort of miscarriage she seems to be thinking of happens at the start of the pregnancy, not towards the end.
Apparently, biology was not our Gwen's strongest subject at school.
I was surprised, really, that Gwen hadn’t apparently invited anyone from Torchwood to her wedding. I think this is partly due to the fact that she seems to try to strive to keep her personal and professional lives as far apart as possible. Different continents, if it’s at all manageable.
Rhys continues to enjoy his place as one of my favourite characters. Not only does he make the eminently sensible suggestions (which Gwen, naturally, ignores), he saves Gwen (using the scalpel of doom), is totally prepared to defend her (not his fault the power on the chainsaw died), and generally reacts about as well as can be expected to a murderous alien gatecrashing his wedding and trying to kill his fiancée.
The episode was more light-hearted running around than any serious sort of character introspection (which makes this review a lot easier to write), unless, of course, we include the non-so-subtextual Jack and Gwen interaction (a subject about which I may save my opinions until we hit the end of the current series and see where they’re heading with this). We got a couple of glimpses at the characters. We see Gwen and Rhys’ families and friends, Ianto mentions his father was a “Master Tailor” (rather a unique occupation in this day and age), and apparently Jack was married at some point. Also, apparently Tosh can dress up nicely when the occasion calls for it, despite evidence to the contrary.
There were several laugh-out-loud silly moments. Ianto in the shop, the shop assistant assuming he’s buying a dress for himself, Jack cheerfully assembling the BFG3000, the over-the-top screams, the classic “if anyone has any objections” interruption, Rhys going all chainsaw on the imitation of his mother, the “Wedding Fairy” and “Bananas make me vomit”.
On the other hand, I wanted to smack Gwen for being such an idiot by insisting the wedding went ahead, and smack both her AND Jack for being so doe-eyed at each other and ignoring the people (Rhys and Ianto, respectively) who’re right there, caring for them, but who apparently rate less for being there, and already attained. I’m not unconvinced that half of what exists between Jack and Gwen isn’t the thrill of what’s not allowed. I think they’d make a terrible couple. I think Jack needs Gwen to remind him of his humanity, but I think that if they ever got together the way I think Gwen secretly would like, it would end very badly.
Which brings me to the final scene. And oh, how my heart ached for poor Ianto. Not only does Jack kick off by making a rather crude joke about 'doing' Ianto, to which he and Gwen giggle like they do that a lot, he then apparently ignores Ianto's attentions to gaze longingly across the room at Gwen. Which is a shame, because that’s otherwise a very sweet moment. Ianto clearly doesn’t go for making any public gestures towards Jack, and the first time he does, Jack’s fixated on someone else.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: this is not going to end well.
Previous Episode: Day In The Death | Torchwood Home | Next Episode: From Out Of The Rain