Title: Roles
Author: Jewels
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. They're not mine, never have been mine, even though I wish they were.
Summary: One of Machello's little monsters rears its head again, and causes trouble.
Rating: PG
Status: Complete
Spoilers: Holiday.
Archive: My site (http://www.geocities.com/jhantor/). Anyone who already has my fics, and anyone else who wants it should ask me first.
Category: Humour, Drama, Sam/Martouf
Notes: Teehee... pure nonsense. I had an idea for one line in this, and it suddenly grew into a fic.

**

Samantha Carter was tired of staring at a computer monitor, watching the little lines play all over the screen. Another indication that she had been staring at it for too long was the fact that the last electromagnetic detection scan had come up with a trace that Sam swore looked like a smiley face.

She leaned back and stretched languorously, and briefly contemplated clearing some sort of space on her desk and resting her head down on it. Just for a moment... only a moment...

The next thing she felt was a hand on her shoulder, gently shaking her awake. She ignored it, still semi-conscious. The shaking stopped, but something started tickling her face. She swiped at it idly and peeked open her eyes to see Martouf withdraw his hand and grin at her.

"Tired?" he asked.

*I /was/.* thought Sam to herself, but out loud said, "A little," and forced herself into a sitting position, feeling embarrassed at the fact that she knew she must have looked terrible. "What are you doing here?" she asked, running her fingers through her hair to try and make herself look presentable once more.

"I arrived here to give the Tau'ri two TER's that the Jacob said he'd promised to send you once they became available." Martouf said. "He was busy with other matters, himself."

"Oh... so that makes... five..." Her brain was definitely sluggish if she couldn't add three and two. "I'm glad you decided to drop in." she said. "Wouldn't have known you were here otherwise. Busy working on something." she muttered, gesturing to the big grey object behind her; SG-10 had found it abandoned in a cave on P5L-542. They had no idea what it did, which was what Sam was trying to find out.

Martouf turned to look at it and walked over to the table it was sitting on, examining it closely. "Interesting." he glanced at her. "What is it?"

Sam gave a wry smile. "Got me." She flicked off the monitor, and turned just in time to see Martouf reaching out to touch the object.

"No, wait. I don't know what it do- DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Her warning, unfortunately, came a moment too late. Martouf's fingers brushed against the alien device, even as Sam lunged forward to snatch his hand away, and a blinding flash of light filled the lab.

When it cleared, both Sam and Martouf were lying unconscious on the floor.

**

Lantesh came to about the same time as his host, in fact, a few seconds earlier, so he had a little more time in order to get his bearings. It didn't take him long, though, to realise that things were, in fact, not what they once were.

'Uh... Samantha???'

Sam raised her head, trying to figure out what had happened, that flash of light... the blinding pain... and now here she was, lying on the lab floor, staring at herself.

What?

Sam glanced down at her own body and suddenly jumped up and yelled in startlement.

'Alright, Samantha... I don't suppose you have /any/ idea what's going on?'

"L... Lantesh?"

'The one and only, to quote Jacob. I don't suppose you'd like to explain what you're doing in Martouf's body?'

"Actually, I have a pretty good idea what's going on."

'You can enlighten me later. I would comment that your... body... is coming around.'

Sam somehow managed to keep her balance long enough to pull herself over to the side of her body. It was extremely strange looking at herself. She supposed it must have been how Daniel, Teal'c and Jack had felt when Machello had run amok with his little machines.

"What ha-" Sam's body's eyes widen as they took in the situation. "What am I doing in Samantha's body? And where's Lantesh?"

Sam tapped her... well... Martouf's head. "Still up here, Martouf."

Martouf gave her an odd look. "Samantha?"

"Yes."

Martouf's eyes narrowed. "Please tell me this is someone's pitiful attempt at humour."

"No joke, Martouf." Sam told him, and offered him a hand to get to his... her feet. That was /really/ going to confuse her, she knew it. She was surprised at the strength she suddenly had, and almost knocked Martouf of his... her? feet by using too much of that strength.

"What happened?" asked Martouf, repeating the question he had started to ask earlier, and having the grace not to comment on her zeal to get him to a standing position.

"We've swapped bodies."

'We can SEE that, Samantha.' Lantesh said, snappily.

Sam wondered if Lantesh was always that grouchy, to which Lantesh responded to with several words in Goa'uld which Sam now understood.

'Language.' she chided.

"We've had experience with this kind of technology before." Sam said.

'Really, when?'

"Really, when?"

Sam blinked, trying to differentiate the two voices. The one she heard in her head, and one she heard coming from outside. "Uh... last year. One of Machello's devices swapped the other members of my team. I was unaffected."

"Machello, I believe I have heard this name." mused Martouf, frowning slightly.

'Yes! Didn't he design anti-Goa'uld weaponry? Wait a minute. That would mean... anti-symbiote... are you sure we shouldn't get checked over?'

"Positive." responded Sam, out loud, garnering a confused look from Martouf. "Lantesh." she said. She felt sorry for him when she saw the stricken expression on his face. He had suddenly been separated from his friend and symbiote, while Sam was sharing her consciousness with a symbiote - an experience she had sworn never to repeat.

Lantesh offered a series of apologetic feelings mixed in with remorse.

"Machello was the designer of anti-Goa'uld weaponry." she said. "He died shortly after we found him."

Martouf nodded, not saying anything for a moment.

"Well, at least we know some of the basic principles of this thing in that case." Sam told him.

"That's good." Martouf looked at her expectantly. "How do we reverse what it has done?"

"I don't know." Sam folded her arms, realised that it felt too odd, and unfolded them again, clasping Martouf's hands behind her back for lack of anything better to do. "But we're going to have to find out."

**

Janet Frasier was slightly surprised when she passed the partially open door to the physics labs the following morning. She stopped and backed up slightly, peering inside in curiosity. Inside, Martouf was holding one of Sam's instruments and was running it over another object, Sam herself was standing aside, watching everything rather passively.

That was odd. Ordinarily, Sam would never let anyone poke around one of her projects, on pain of death. Not even Martouf. Janet shook her head and entered the lab.

"Hi Sam, Martouf... what's going on?"

Martouf jumped guiltily and almost dropped the tool he was holding. "Ah... Janet... we may have a slight problem."

Janet raised an eyebrow. "Being awfully informal, aren't we, Martouf?" she asked in amusement.

Martouf grimaced and looked to Sam, who hadn't moved since Janet entered the room. Sam opened her mouth and said, "Samantha is correct, we have a 'slight' problem."

Janet looked from Sam to Martouf, the latter of whom had a 'god what a day' expression on his face. She stared at the man she knew as a Tok'ra. "Sam?"

He nodded. "It's me, Janet."

Janet turned back to the other woman. "That would make you..."

"Martouf, yes."

Janet felt her head spinning. "Slight problem, they say..."

**

Sam and Martouf sat, both looking more than a little uncomfortable in each others bodies, on the beds in the Infirmary, having just been examined thoroughly by Janet and one of her nurses.

"I hate this." commented Sam. "I mean, I really hate this. This is about comparable with the time SG1 went on a drinking spree that one time we got leave after saving the world... and wound up unconscious, wearing clown suits, and Daniel had a traffic cone... and no one could remember anything..." Her voice trailed off and she glanced over at Martouf. "No offence, but I'd rather have my own body back."

Martouf was hardly sanguine himself. Having to contend with a lack of a symbiote, severe abdominal cramps, not to mention some rather intent looks from some of the bases male personnel, he was more than a little irritated by this point. "How do you think I feel?" He asked rhetorically. "I'm a man trapped in a woman's body! I have parts that men aren't meant to have!"

"What about me?" demanded Sam, waving her arms in the air. "I don't even know how I'm supposed to go to the bathroom."

"Do you want a demonstration?! Actually, if you have any questions about being a man, don't hesitate to ask Lantesh."

"Your sense of humour is particularly wanting at this moment, Martouf!" snapped Lantesh, momentarily coming to the surface, before a look of chagrin crossed his face and he relinquished control to Sam. She shook her head.

"I wish he wouldn't do that." she muttered, then listened for a moment to something being said internally. "Opinionated git." She muttered, then seemed to wince, probably as Lantesh delivered a blistering retort. "Only joking." she murmured to herself... or Lantesh.

"He can be, can't he?" commented Martouf with a slight smile, thinking of more than one occasion when he and his symbiote had disagreed.

There was a pause, then Sam said with more than a slight grin, "Lantesh wants me to tell you that the instant you're back in here you're going to get one hell of a lecture."

At least the symbiote believed all could be put right again. Martouf wasn't so sure.

Janet approached and turned to Martouf. "Well Sam..."

"I'm not Samantha." he pointed out. Janet looked embarrassed at her mistake and turned to the correct person.

"Uh... Sam..." Janet swallowed and shrugged helplessly. "I don't have a clue what's going on."

"That's helpful, Janet, real helpful."

Janet looked hurt. "I try my best."

Sam laid a hand on her friend's arm. "I'm sorry, I know you're trying." She realised that Janet was looking extremely unnerved at the contact, and she quickly removed her hand. "Have you... have you told anyone else yet?"

"Yes. General Hammond cornered me in the lab. I give it twenty minutes before he's down here."

"Would he be able to do anything?" asked Martouf, rhetorically, but Janet answered in the negative anyway, and he spread his hands in a 'well, there you are' sort of manner.

**

It wasn't Hammond who came down for them. It was an airman, who had come to request that Sam, Martouf and Janet report to the briefing room. Sam had a feeling of dread with every step she took. It was that, combined with the warily expressions worn on her team-mates faces, who were already there, sitting around the table.

Sam had dispatched another airman to retrieve something from her lab, and started rapidly flipping through the menu that was on the main page of Machello's data-reading device. She was flipping through them in the lift, and in the corridor, and had managed to find the relevant page as she was sitting down next to Martouf at the table.

Janet quickly explained that the two of them had been swapped around, prompting Jack O'Neill to say,

"What again?"

Sam glared, as did Martouf. Jack shut up.

"Major..." Hammond started, looking at the blonde.

"I'm Martouf." he told the General, who, with a look of chagrin turned to Sam. That was happening too much for her. She would yell at the next person that did that, she just knew.

"Major, I don't suppose you have an explanation for this?" he asked her, still wearing the expression of bafflement that everyone at the table wore. Except for herself and Martouf, who wore identical expressions of sleep-deprivation (Martouf was physically tired, Sam was mentally exhausted) and irritation.

"I think it's one of Machello's devices." Sam said, waving her datapad around. "Like the one that swapped Machello and Daniel, and the Colonel and Teal'c."

"But that's locked up in Area 51." Jack said slowly, as if speaking to a child.

Sam glared at him, wondering why he'd gone hyper-patronising all of a sudden.

'Oh don't worry, he always does that to us... well, Martouf and I.' muttered Lantesh.

'Remind me to punch him later for it.'

Lantesh laughed as Sam shook her head. "Not this one." she responded in the same tone. "I think it's a prototype. If that's the case there might not be the same built in non-switch back function."

"So why is it not working?" asked Martouf.

"I don't think it's charged." Sam said. "I think that the capacitance cells of the device had a minimal charge left in them, left from whenever it was originally constructed. Possibly, when Martouf touched the device, the capacitors discharged, causing the body swap. And since it seemed to be an energy burst, rather than directed at people both holding the device, it's very possible that it is a prototype. Especially as the internal circuitry of the device does not contain mnemetic-gel conduits, but a more primitive equivalent."

There was dead silence. Jack turned to Sam's body.

"Watching 'you' say that... that's weird, Marty, that's really freaky."

Martouf raised an eyebrow. "You have no idea."

'For what it's worth, I... sort of understood that.'

'Gee thanks, Lantesh.'

'My pleasure, Samantha.'

Sam rolled Martouf's eyes. "Can we please get back on topic?"

"So you basically need to... recharge the device." said Daniel, fiddling with a pen.

Sam nodded. "Yeah."

"And how are you going to do that?" Jack asked her, fiddling with a pad of paper and a pen.

'Good question.' Lantesh added.

"Um..."

**

Five hours later, Sam was about ready to start tearing her hair out, but she didn't think that Martouf would have forgiven her. He was already sitting in one of the other chairs in the lab, looking a little lost. It was odd to look at him, looking at a face she'd only ever seen in a mirror.

'Grade A weird.'

'Hmm?' muttered Lantesh, coming out of torpor, thinking that the comment was directed at him.

'Go back to sleep.' Sam advised, and glared at the monitor.

'With all your emotions rolling around here? It's making me dizzy. Besides, you're getting a headache. There's only so much I can do to combat the effects that the electromagnetic radiation your primitive equipment emits has on your nervous system. Now take our technology for example. It does not effect with bioelectric field patterns and is totally environmentally friendly.'

"Oh whatever." breathed Sam.

Martouf glanced up and then down again. "Any progress?" he asked quietly, now that it seemed Sam was out of the almost trance-like state she had been in while staring at the screen.

"Eye-strain count?" Sam asked, leaning back in her chair. "Lantesh is complaining."

"Lantesh always complains."

'I do not! I object to that remark!'

"When you have a headache?" Sam groaned, putting a hand to her forehead.

"You'll be alright." Martouf said reassuringly. Looking deeply into her eyes. In spite of the fact that they weren't the eyes she was used to, Sam could feel the presence behind them just as intensely. "How do you feel?" he asked quietly.

Sam shook her head slowly, knowing he was referring to her coping with this. "Under normal circumstances, I'd feel like kissing you..." Martouf's eyes widened slightly. "But considering our actual, current, circumstances, it would feel like I was kissing myself. And that's just too scary to contemplate."

"I have to agree."

Lantesh sniggered tactlessly. Sam sighed and asked him if he always did that during conversations.

'Not /always/.' was the response.

"Major Carter?"

"Yes, sir?" Sam responded automatically to Hammond as he walked in, breaking her gaze away from Martouf. Hammond glanced between her and Martouf, as if aware he had interrupted something and was trying to decide who to speak to, then turned his attention to Sam.

"Any progress?"

Sam shook her head. "We already knew where the capacitance cells were, but we don't know how to recharge them."

Hammond looked uneasy. "I don't suppose you could hurry up?"

Martouf narrowed his eyes. "Why would you wish us to do so? Not that I object to the order, I am merely curious."

"The Tok'ra just sent another representative through the Gate to check that nothing has happened to their last envoy."

"Oh god." muttered Sam.

Lantesh quietly asked if he could have control, knowing how Sam felt about being trapped inside a body once more. Clamping down sternly on her own fear, Sam gave grudging permission, and felt her mental field of view receding, as if she were taking a giant step back.

Lantesh raised his head and fixed Hammond with an intense look. "You must... stall them."

"Stall them? How?"

"That is your task." Lantesh said sharply. "Samantha is attempting to decipher the device's mechanism. We will try to expedite matters as much as possible."

'We?' Sam picked out the relevant phrase there. 'Where's this 'we' coming from? And can you hurry up? This is bringing up various nasty memories here.'

Sam felt control returning to her, and automatically flexed her fingers to see that she had control over them.

"Sir, Lantesh is right." Hammond shifted uncomfortably. "You need to stall this Tok'ra until we can get everyone back in the right bodies."

"I for one, do not wish to have to explain this to the council." put forward Martouf.

"I see." Hammond said thoughtfully, then turned and headed out of the room.

"How do you think he'll stall the other envoy?" Martouf wondered out loud, and Sam shrugged in response.

**

"... And so the farmer said: I didn't realise that was your fork!"

The Tok'ra representative, a tall male named Xizoc, just looking unutterably confused as Jack O'Neill reached the punch-line of his joke and started laughing uncontrollably.

"I still do not understand your humour, Colonel." he said dourly. "Now I would like to speak with Martouf/Lantesh if I may."

"Oh come on Snezok-"

"XIZOC!"

"Yeah whatever..." Jack pushed a mug towards him. "Don't you want some more coffee?"

"No. I wish to speak to Lantesh." was the hard response.

"But we're having so much fun." said O'Neill, mentally cursing Hammond in as many ways as possible. Didn't he realise how difficult it was to stall a Tok'ra? "Say, have you heard the one about the Princess...?"

Xizoc sighed in a long-suffering manner.

**

Sam pushed her chair away from the desk. "That's it!" she declared loudly, getting a startled look off Martouf. "I have to get some coffee!"

'Coffee?'

"Coffee?"

"Will you two stop that!" Sam snapped in exasperation.

Martouf looked hurt, and tried futilely to shove Sam's hair out of his face. "My apologies." he muttered sadly.

Sam blinked, and looked at the floor, ashamed that she had obviously made him feel bad. "And I need to go and get a file from the archives." Feeling horrible, she left the lab and headed down the corridor.

Sam managed to convince the Rosalind Scullion, the current records keeper, that even though she was a Tok'ra, Major Carter had sent her down to retrieve this specific file, and look there was even a note in her handwriting to prove it. After some very puzzled looks from the other woman, Sam finally managed to get the files she needed and started heading for what she hoped would be an empty common room to retrieve some coffee.

She was in the middle of a argument with Lantesh as to why it was necessary to drink coffee, when Lantesh suddenly brought them to a screeching halt and made her look down the corridor. Sam caught a flash of beige, and drew the correct conclusion that it was the second envoy. Apparently the stalling techniques had no been entirely successful.

'I would suggest that seeing you... Martouf... whoever... holding classified Tau'ri files will not do wonders for our trying to hide this from the council!' Lantesh hissed.

Sam looked about wildly for someone to function as a runner, and quite literally seized upon the first person she saw.

"Lieutenant!" Sam hissed, gaining the Tech's attention, then grabbed Graham Simmons' arm and hauled him to the side of the corridor. The poor man looked terrified. "Can I help you?" he asked nervously.

Sam took in their physical proximity, and the fact that she was gripping his arm extremely tightly and abruptly released him. "Uh yeah... take this to Mar... ah... Major Carter in her lab immediately. Please." Sam added as she belatedly realised that a Tok'ra, even if they were a visiting envoy, had no right to order SGC staff around.

"Sure."

"Thanks Graham," Sam patted his arm then started off down the corridor, having managed to take three steps for Lantesh gave her a blistering mental tirade that could have stripped any metaphorical paint off any mental walls she might have possessed.

Graham would probably forever avoid the Tok'ra.

At that, moment, however, Sam was more concerned with getting around the corner of the corridor before the Tok'ra she had spotted caught-

"Martouf!"

"Shit!" Sam wasn't able to stop the expletive and realised that the other Tok'ra (Xizoc, Lantesh supplied) was staring at her in an utterly bewildered manner as he approached her from behind.

'Quick! Let me have control!' Lantesh hissed at her, and Sam quickly relinquished control of their body, watching anxiously to see if Xizoc would suspect something was wrong.

"What was it you just said?" Xizoc asked, curious.

"Nothing of any consequence." Lantesh said, evading the question. "I was told that the council had sent you here."

"They were concerned when you did not return."

"Yes, there were additional... matters... we had to attend to." Lantesh said, trying to keep any guilty facial expressions from showing.

"Matters? I hope they were not entirely personal reasons, Lantesh." said Xizoc in disapproval. "You are needed with the Tok'ra, remember."

Lantesh tried to hide the thought, but Sam snatched at it before he could do so. 'Wait a minute... he's talking about me? They don't approve.'

'No, to paraphrase a Tau'ri idiom, they just don't approve of mixing business with ex-hosts of mates.'

Sam wasn't sure whether a laugh was expected of her there, so she just remained silently.

"Your host is quite... silent." Xizoc said, looking at Lantesh curiously.

Sam went rummaging through some more memories that surfaced in Lantesh's mind (she had never before realised how much clutter flitted through a person's thoughts in a normal conversation) to find that Martouf was one of the hosts that preferred to maintain control most of the time. Others, like Yosef, didn't mind their symbiotes having control more than they did. A matter of personal preference.

"Yes, he's..." Lantesh's mind cast about for a suitable excuse. "Busy."

'That's pathetic.' Sam advised, who had come up with better excuses in her time.

'I'd like to see you do better.'

'Just watch me!'

"I see." Xizoc said slowly. "Doing what?"

"Working on a complex mathematical formula." 'SAMANTHA!!'

Sam's helpless laughter rang out mentally. Lantesh rather belatedly realising that she had influenced him to say words that he had had no intention of saying. At least Martouf had never done /that/. If Sam had been laughing out loud, she would have collapsed from lack of oxygen by that point.

Fortunately, Xizoc seemed more disbelieving and amused than anything else. He obviously believed that Lantesh was making a joke. Whereas he was actually bemoaning the fact that they were in the same body so he couldn't clout her over the head. "Martouf? I doubt it."

"So do I." muttered Lantesh. "There are more matters that need attending to," he said, changing the subject. "I believe it would be best served if you returned to... what it was you were doing before you found me... and waited."

"You don't have... anything I can help you with?" Xizoc asked, a note of desperation in his voice.

At Lantesh's confusion, Sam supplied her idea as to what the poor man had been subjected to. Lantesh's sympathy lasted all of three seconds. "No." he responded pleasantly.

"Oh." said Xizoc, and, looking rather depressed, headed back the way he came.

'Two things, Lantesh.'

'Name them, Samantha.'

'One: give me back my body. Two: let's go find some coffee.'

**

"Major Carter?"

Martouf finally realised that someone was calling to him and he turned to see a young Tau'ri standing at the entrance to the lab. "Yes? Can I help you...?" Martouf had absolutely no idea who this one was, and he had never been able to know how the Tau'ri displayed their military rank. He'd have to get Samantha to show him. Although he never usually needed to be able to read Tau'ri ranks.

"Yes," The Tau'ri stepped forward, file in hand, and Martouf could finally see the lettering that either denoted name or a rank, pinned to the Tau'ri's shirt.

Of course, it would have helped if he could /read/ it.

"Martouf stopped me in the corridor and told me to give this to you."

"Did he?" Martouf asked neutrally, peering at the file. Incomprehensible lettering stared back at him. "Thank you for bringing it."

"What's it about?" the Tau'ri asked, obviously trying to engage in conversation.

Martouf tried to remind himself that he was pretending to be Samantha and for all he knew, this could have been one of her friends, so he shouldn't be rude.

"It's..." Martouf opened the file and stared at it. "It's a report."

The Tau'ri hesitated. "On what?"

"Uh... it's not very important."

'Although how would I know?'

As before, there was only silence in response to his internal question.

"Thank you." he repeated, hoping the Tau'ri would take the point and leave.

"Major, are you feeling alright?"

"No. I have a headache and would like to be left alone." Martouf returned sharply, and not entirely without truth. He was rapidly developing a headache.

The Tau'ri looked embarrassed and headed out of the room without another word. Martouf closed his eyes briefly.

'When will this end?' he asked himself rhetorically, beginning to hate this internal silence with a passion. He leaned back in the uncomfortable Tau'ri chair and stared at the white panel attached to the wall, which had smooth flowing lines drawn on it. They were actually quite soothing.

**

"Yes, I understand that... Do you have any idea... well, no... why not?... where's your commanding officer?... oh really... where is it then?... no... Good /day/, Captain."

Hammond slammed down the phone, making several items on the desk jump. At O'Neill's raised eyebrow, he said, "I've been trying to get Colonel Maybourne to release Machello's body-swapping device to us. However, getting it down here, or even getting a hold of Maybourne, seems to be roughly on the level of difficulty that goes with ordering pizza for a top-secret military base."

"Hey, we managed that once." said Jack, a smile on his face.

Hammond's brow furrowed. "When?"

"When you were ordered to Washington, Ferretti..." Jack suddenly realised he hadn't meant to reveal that particular bit of information. "Never sir." he rephrased hastily.

Hammond sighed. "Looks like we'll just have to rely on Major Carter's technical expertise to get us out of this one." he said in a mutter. Then a thought occurred to him. "Where's that Tok'ra envoy?"

"Sneezy?" O'Neill asked.

Hammond wondered how O'Neill had ever managed to make Colonel with that attitude, and simply continued glaring at SG1's commander.

"He came back about five minutes ago after sneaking off; I sent Daniel off with him to look at some fascinating artefacts we brought back from PX5-143."

Hammond frowned. "Dr. Jackson didn't bring anything back from PX5-143." he said.

"I know."

**

Sam re-entered the lab, two mugs and a pot of coffee in hand, to find Martouf staring at a whiteboard, which had on it a complex mathematical problem to do with the structure of the wormhole the Gate created. Occasionally he glanced at a file held in his hands.

'Is he working on a complex mathe-'

'Don't say it, Samantha.' Lantesh warned darkly.

"Did Simmons bring you that file?" Sam asked Martouf, who was occasionally glancing down with utter incomprehension on his face at the file in his hands. Sam couldn't bring herself to tell him that he was holding it upside down.

'Look at it this way, when we get switched back, the knowledge that I've gained from you means he'll know how to read it.' Lantesh pointed out.

"Simmons? Yes, I suppose he must have." answered Martouf, rather distractedly.

"Here," said Sam, extending a mug with several images from a Star Wars movie emblazoned on the side. Martouf grasped it, frowning, and then his expression turned to one of comprehension as Sam poured the dark liquid into the mug. "Careful, it's hot." she warned and poured herself some.

While Sam gratefully took several mouthfuls of the coffee, Lantesh reacted with dismay at his host's beverage of choice.

'Kree'nal, Samantha! Do you have any idea what's in that??'

'Nope.' replied Sam cheerfully.

'Let me tell you... caffeine, chlorogenic acid...'

"Interesting taste." Martouf allowed, taking tentative sips of the hot liquid.

'I should have know he'd say that.'

'You can tell what's in this stuff?'

'Of course.' responded Lantesh, saying no more on the subject. 'Now put down the cup before you unbalance Martouf's entire biochemistry.'

'No.'

Lantesh took enough bodily control to make her almost slam the cup down onto the desk. Martouf peered at her and she smiled weakly. "Sorry."

"So what is that?" Martouf asked, gesturing to the file that Simmons had brought.

"It's information on the power systems of Machello's body swapping device. I'm hoping we can rig up some sort of connection and find some sort of power source to charge them with."

"This is bitter." commented Martouf, staring at the coffee, then he brought his attention back to the subject at hand. "What type of energy does it use?"

"I think..." Sam said after a moment of thought. "That it's electrical."

Martouf still didn't look up from his coffee. Lantesh commented that he'd never had Martouf seem that depressed before. Except after Jolinar... he added. Sam gave the equivalent of a reassuring pat on the hand.

"It's too bad that you cannot shoot the device with a zat'nik'atel. Their energy discharge is mainly electrical in nature." commented Martouf after a long pause.

'I can almost hear the gears turning.' commented Lantesh dryly, as Sam suddenly started turning the idea over in her mind.

"That's it!" Sam declared, leaping to her feet. "You are a genius!" she told Martouf, and before she realised what she was doing, she had grabbed the other by the shoulders and had planted a fierce kiss on her own lips. After two or three seconds, during which time Martouf had briefly returned it, they simultaneously froze and pulled back from each other.

"That was strange." said Martouf.

"Too strange." agreed Sam. "Let's not do that again until we're back where we're supposed to be."

"Indeed." said Martouf.

Lantesh, at that point, informed Sam that her hadn't moved in thirty seconds and her muscles would likely cramp unless she un-tensed slightly.

"We should get to work." she muttered and pulled away, heading for the device. There was silence, externally and internally for a few seconds, until Lantesh had the nerve to say,

'I never realised Martouf was such a good kisser.'

**

Teal'c had been heading for the commissary, but when he heard strange screeching noises coming from inside Major Carter's lab, he frowned and changed his destination. It was just to see if there was any threat, of course. As he grew closer, he could hear voices.

Martouf's voice: "Will you NOT aim that thing in my direction?"

Carter's voice: "I am sorry. It is not activated, however."

"Oh fine. What's the reading on the multi?"

"Multi?"

"Multi-meter. Here, give me that."

Teal's curiosity got the better of him, and he pushed open the door to see Martouf... no... Major Carter... leaning into the innards of the body-swapping device so far that nothing above the waist could be seen. Teal'c frowned when he saw the two zat'nik'atels in the lab.

"Is there a problem in here?" he asked, puzzled.

"AH!!! God almighty, Teal'c! Don't scare me like that." said Carter, pulling herself (himself?) out of the device, rubbing the back of her head. Teal'c blinked in confusion at being addressed in such a way by someone such as Martouf. Although it wasn't Martouf... as he was constantly having to remind himself...

"We are trying to confirm a theory." interjected Martouf-in-Carter's-body. "Hopefully, by firing zat'nik'atels at the device, it will recharge the..." he glanced over to his body.

"Capacitance cells." she supplied. She held up a multimeter. "I'm just going to check it to make sure that they've actually held some sort of charge."

"And if it has not?" asked Martouf.

"Then we're screwed."

Teal'c would never be able to forget that particular phrase coming out of Martouf's mouth. Then he glanced at Martouf, who he noticed had occasionally been shifting his shoulders as if in pain or discomfort. "Are you well?" he asked, as Carter started to get her readings.

"I am fine." responded Martouf tightly, and in a manner that discouraged any more questions.

"YES!!!"

Teal'c and Martouf turned to see Carter almost jumping up and down with happiness. She turned to them and gave them a genuine grin.

"It's working. The capacitate cells are almost fully charged; a couple more blasts should do it." she spoke rapidly, her words almost merging together.

Teal'c nodded. "I will inform the others." he told the pair, and abandoned the lab, before trying to sort their conflicting appearances and personalities drove him to distraction.

**

Teal'c had managed to find Janet, Jack and Daniel and had brought them down to the lab. Martouf had briefly wondered where the Tok'ra Xizoc was, but Daniel said that he had made use of the knowledge that the 'buck stopped' with Hammond, and had off-loaded the Tok'ra onto the General in order to get down to the lab.

'I don't think Xizoc will ever willingly come to the Tau'ri again.' noted Lantesh absently, as Sam straightened from her final checks of the device.

"Alright," she said with what she hoped was confidence in her voice. "Hopefully by recreating the conditions that were originally present, we'll be able to reactivate the device and swap Martouf and I back."

"And what happens if it does not work?" asked Martouf, slightly anxiously.

'It could make /me/ the next target and really confuse matters. A little like what's that Tau'ri game...' Lantesh went rummaging through some of Sam's memories and found the one he was looking for. 'Musical chairs.'

Sam tried not to shudder outwardly. 'Oh god, please don't think that.'

'Sorry.' said Lantesh, not sounding the least apologetic.

"It probably doesn't bear thinking about." Sam responded.

"No, really, let's think about it." said Jack, who had probably thought of the same thing Lantesh had. Sam gave him a world-class glare that caused him to look away before she shook her head in exasperation.

'Samantha... before we go through this...'

Sam tried not to sigh. 'Yes, Lantesh?'

'I wanted to thank you.'

Sam was briefly stunned. 'Thank me?'

'Yes. Being Blended with you, even for this brief time, has allowed me to glimpse some of Jolinar's memories inside your mind. Of course, I don't have access to them any more than you do, but I have... appreciated the experience.'

Sam could feel the sincerity in Lantesh's voice. 'You're welcome.' she responded.

Outwardly, she clapped her hands together briskly. "Shall we get on with this?"

"Good luck." Janet said, and the others filed out of the room, shutting the door behind them.

"We take the same positions we were in before, ok?" Sam said to Martouf, who nodded, and took a step towards the device before heading for Sam's chair. When she frowned, he said,

"Your body was sitting here."

"Right... I hadn't thought of that." Sam admitted, and Martouf gave her a slight smile.

She took a deep breath, ignoring Lantesh, who was doing the equivalent and closing his eyes and holding his breath in anticipation of something painful, and brushed her fingers against the open circuitry junction.

After the brilliant white flash of light had cleared, both of them were lying unconscious on the floor.

**

Her hands were smaller, paler and she once more had breasts. Sam guessed that she was back in her body. She no longer had the presence of another in a back of her mind, and Sam felt oddly bereft from that loss. But had the transference worked both ways? She turned her head to look at the still-unconscious body by her side, then she rolled over onto her stomach. Sam reached out and touched Martouf's arm lightly, wondering if all hadn't gone as planned.

"Martouf? Are you alright?"

Martouf blinked slowly and finally fixed an unfocused gaze on her. "I am fine, Samantha. However Lantesh is delivering the lecture he promised earlier."

Sam couldn't help but laugh, partially in relief. She gave him a speculative look. "I think I can handle that kiss now, you?" She raised her eyebrows slightly, and they leaned in towards one another-

"Sam! Did it work?"

Sam stifled a groan and pushed herself into a sitting position, the banging of the door against the wall uncomfortably loud. She had the mother of all hangovers. "Yeah, Daniel, it's me."

"It is indeed good to see you again, Major Carter." Teal'c told her.

"Teal'c, I didn't go anywhere."

"Allow me to rephrase. You're looking more yourself today, Major Carter."

Sam shook her head, and accepted Martouf's helping hand to clamber to her feet. Janet strode over before they could take a step in any direction and forced Sam into a chair with a glare. Janet was the only person Sam knew who could do that. Maybe it was from all the practice she got with forcibly keeping SG team members in the infirmary.

Janet nodded to Daniel. "Daniel, take Martouf down to the Infirmary please." she instructed, whipping out a penlight to shine into Sam's eyes, who winced at the pain they caused.

"I believe I need to speak to Xizoc... and clear up a small... issue." said Martouf slowly, who was internally berating his symbiote for his lack of good excuses in the earlier conversation between the two.

"Fine, but I want you down there when I get there." said Janet briskly, ignoring him as he walked out of the door, along with Daniel.

"Well, you seem to be fine, from what I can tell here." Janet told the fidgeting Sam. "I'd like you to come down to the infirmary as well, though, so I can make a thorough examination."

"Right..." Sam muttered, then suddenly turned and stormed to the door, her discomfort momentarily forgotten. "DAMMIT MARTOUF!!" she bellowed down the corridor, ignoring the rather stunned looks from two passing technicians, Janet, Teal'c and Jack. "What the hell did you do to my bra?!"

**

In the Gateroom, a little over an hour later, following Sam's gleeful handing over of the alien device to a team from Area 51 (she had been extremely happy to get it out of her sight), Martouf and Xizoc, who had jumped at the chance to get offworld (he was extremely happy to get out of the Tau'ri's sight), were waiting at the base of the ramp for the Stargate to finish dialing.

"Well, this whole thing was fun," Jack said, from where he was standing. "Let us never speak of it again."

Lantesh commented that Jack could have at least tried not to look so smug. Martouf just ignoring O'Neill and turned to Sam, where she was standing not to far away from him.

"When will you be back?" She asked.

"As soon as I can convince the Council that it is necessary to come to Earth." he told her.

"You don't know." responded Sam with a slight smile.

"No." he said. "And, when I do come back, please try to have any devices of unknown origin locked away."

Sam managed to laugh at that. "Deal."

"Chevron seven is locked."

With the peculiar sound of the wormhole opening, the Gateroom filled with the odd blue light from the Stargate. Martouf glanced at Xizoc, who was trying to edge up the ramp unobtrusively.

Then Lantesh pulled up a memory and waved it in front of Martouf's consciousness. Under such prompting, Martouf leaned closer to Sam and lowered his voice so that it didn't carry further than the two of them.

"By the way," Martouf said. "I didn't know you had-"

Sam, expression unchanged, stepped on his toe, not enough to cause pain, but enough to stop Martouf from speaking. He smiled. "I see. It will be our secret." The mischievous look in his eyes sobered. "We /will/ be back soon." he promised her.

"I expect you to. You still owe me a kiss." she murmured. Martouf grinned, and turned towards the event horizon of the Gate, Xizoc falling into step beside him.

'Martouf...' said Lantesh as they started up the ramp. 'Can I just suggest something?'

'What is it?' Martouf asked tiredly.

'Next time Samantha tells you not to touch something, DON'T TOUCH IT!'

'You don't think it was fun?'

'Would that I had hands, Martouf, with which to clout you upside the head.'

-Fini